TOP 25 things a US returned Malayali will do in Kerala during his visit

  1. Tries to use credit card in road side small  shopes. If they say No, then reply will be ‘surprising…”
  2. Drinks and carries mineral water and always speaks of health consciousness,
  3. Sprays deo such so that he doesn’t need to take bath,
  4. Sneezes and says ‘Excuse me’.,
  5. Says the following:  ( read……)
    • Says “Hey” instead of “Hi”
    • Says “Yogurt” instead of “Curd”
    • Says “Cab” instead of “Taxi”
    • Says “Candy” instead of “Chocolate”
    • Says “Cookie” instead of “Biscuit”
    • Says “Free Way” instead of “Highway”
    • Says “got to go” instead of “Have to go”
    • Says “O” instead of “Zero” (for 704, says Seven O Four Instead of Seven Zero Four)
  6. Doesn’t forget to crib about air pollution. Keeps cribbing every time he steps out.
  7. Says all the distances in Miles (Not in Kilo Meters), and counts in Millions. (Not in Lakhs)
  8. Tries to figure all the prices in Dollars as far as possible (but deep down the heart multiplies by 50 times).
  9. Tries to see the % of fat on the cover of a milk packet.
  10. When need to say Z (zed), never says Z (Zed), repeats Zee several times, if the other person unable to get, then says X,Y, Zee.
  11. Writes date as MM/DD/YYYY, on watching traditional DD/MM/YYYY, says & Oh! British Style!!!
  12. Makes fun of Indian Standard Time and **Indian Road** Conditions.
  13. Avoids eating more chilli (hot) stuff.
  14. Tries to drink Diet Coke instead of **Normal** Coke.
  15. Tries to complain about everything in **India** as if he is experiencing it for the first time.
  16. Pronounces “schedule” as “skejule” and “module” as “mojule”.
  17. Looks suspiciously towards Hotel/Dhaba food.
  18. From the luggage bag, does not remove the stickers of Airways by which he traveled back to **India**, even after 4 months of arrival.
  19. Takes the cabin luggage bag to short visits in India, tries to roll the bag on Indian Roads.
  20. Tries to begin conversation with; “In US….” or “When I was in US…”
  21. Tries to book the ticket for the movies well in advance and reach the theater very early  and leaves late to avoid mingling with dirty local mallus.
  22. After every trip, try wash the hands with dettol  or special antiseptic soaps to make himself and family free from germs.
  23. Before returning, goes to a barber  saloon and have a clean haircut, reason saying that here it is very hot and humid. But the actual reason will be to save money for the next two haircuts which will be 10 times more expensive than doing it at the local shops.
  24. The whole family goes to the dentist for a proper dental checkups and removes or fills at least two or three teeth for every members. Reason saying that Kerala dental doctors are very good, but the actual reason will be dental treatments  are too expensive at US.  Even the children knows that they might get the next dental treatment only on the next visit.
  25. Will have unlimited stock of Cookies, which will be distributed to every house they visit.

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